My Night as a DJ for a Stripper

Story time. Over the weekend, I traveled to our nation's capital for a little activity that we guys call "a bachelor party." Usually, the bachelor parties I've attended include dinner at the Olive Garden, skeet-ball competitions and a performance of the Cirque du Soleil. Last weekend was more traditional in the Tom Hanks circa 1984 sense.

One of the planned events was a private performance by hired ladies. Earlier in the night, we went to a gentleman's club where we subjected by the most God awful music. Yes, only I would think of the music as the No. 1 complaint about the strip club. It reminded me how much rap music sucks these days and it's not getting any better. Then again, the strip club patron isn't picky about the music played. They just want to see vagina, breasts and vacant stares from strippers.

So fast forward to the hired entertainment. While the first girl was preparing for her performance, she asked us all, "You guys got any music?" All eyes shot to me. This would probably be my only chance to see a stripper do her thing to some music I choose. So I jumped off the couch and bolted for my IPOD.

As not to uphold my fellow party people, I went with my first instinct and dialed up "Galang" from M.I.A. The stripper approved and she asked about M.I.A. I could have played "Shut Up Bitch" by Lil' Kim and she would have done her thing to it.

While Lexi and Jess were doing X, Y and Z, I was focused on what I could play next to add some music snobbery to the proceedings. I know, there's naked girls in the room and I'm screwing with my IPOD. Hey, they are not there for me, they are there for the bachelor. This is my theory about strippers: they don't like me, they like my money.

Here's what I played, heavy on the M.I.A.:

• M.I.A., Galang
• M.I.A., Sunshower
• M.I.A., Ten
• M.I.A., Bucky Done Gone
• M.I.A., Fire Fire
• LCD Soundsystem, Yeah (Crass Version)
• The Rapture, House of Jealous Lovers
• Gorillaz, Feel Good Inc.
• Royksopp, Eple
• Basement Jaxx, Rendez-Vu
• Blur, Girls & Boys
• Brazilian Girls, Pussy
• Chemical Brothers, Block Rockin' Beats
• Daft Punk, Robot Rock
• We Are Scientists, Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt
• Jay-Z vs. Danger Mouse, Encore
• Underworld, Born Slippy (Nuxx)
• James, Laid

The crew loved ending with "Laid," because everyone could sing-a-long. Even the guy there to protect the strippers was digging my selections. The trick was to pick songs or groups that are probably not traditionally played at a strip club (I guess), but everyone could get into easily.

Unfortunately, if I knew I would be called upon, I could throw in "Rump Shaker," the best strip club song of all time.

There you have it, I might have a third career as strip club DJ. I could make a Bud Light radio commercial for one of those "Real Men of Genius" spots. "Here's to you Mr. Strip Club DJ for playing 'Baby's Got Back.' "

P.S. - First time I ever went to a strip club (1997), I heard and saw a strip tease done to Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the Name"

Comments

[Orlando]

Hi Chris? Remember me?

Anyway, you are truly THE music snob, I bow to you my friend. In a sea of strippers, you were concerned with the integrity of the music. I personally would have thrown in some basement jaxx and lost the Jay-Z and the Gorillaz. I mean I love the gorillaz, but I can't see that working to well for the talent.

Good times! haha.. =)
-Orlando

[tony]

real strip club DJ here 8 years in the biz. And while it's different that private shows and clubs are waaaay different environments to one another, most of the stuff on your list i've been playing for the past 12 months and that which I haven't, I haven't because it's off format and either would kill the room (killing csh flow) or piss off the owners (killing me). Also a few of those songs have been requested by some of my girls