High Comedy for Arcade Fire Tickets

Me and Jerry were thinking about having a dick sucking contest for our Arcade Fire tickets.

A sampling on Craigslist NYC:

I was walking out the door of my 1 bedroom Chelsea flat earlier today, and I saw the mailman disappearing down the street. He rounded the corner just as I noticed a bunch of envelopes on my stoop. I checked them, and they didn't belong to anybody in my building, so I tried to shout for the mailman, but he was gone.

Anyway, the envelope just said "AWESOME" on the front, so curiosity got the better of me and I decided to open it up. There were five total, and each had 8 tickets to a different Arcade Fire show in February. What luck, huh?

I don't really like The Arcade Fire, though. I prefer ska. So I'll sell all 40 tickets for $9,000, or I can sell by the pair for $1,500 each.

This a really great deal. Each ticket has a picture of an actual arcade on the front. You can't beat that. Maybe after you can light it on fire and make a great joke for your friends. Good luck!

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The first time I ever listened to Arcade Fire, I was at skiing at St. Moritz in Zurich and had borrowed my chauffer's i-pod. I had it on shuffle and while coming down the North Face through Hfutenshult pass, Arcade Fire's "Une Annee Sans Lumiere came on. It was so beautiful I literally stopped right there on the mountain. The sun was starting to set and I just stood there listening to the song. I fell in love with the band right then and there.

This was the first time I had heard of them so I thought perhaps they were a French band. I blackberried a friend in Paris and asked if she had heard of this band called "Arcade Fire".

Coincidentally enough, she had just flown back to Paris from her vacation in Singapore SPECIFICALLY to see Arcade Fire in concert THAT NIGHT, AND SHE HAD AN EXTRA TICKET!

I immediately tried to see if my father's charter jet was available to fly me out to Paris that night, but he had already left for South Africa. I called the airlines but the only thing they had leaving that late was on coach.

I was totally losing it it at that point because although I just heard that one song, I felt like I had been a fan for a like three years, and there was no way I could miss this concert. But long story short, Zurich was like a stalag that night, no way of getting out.

Apres ski, the DJ at the club took pity on me and played "Une Annee Sans Lumiere" just for me.

I literally cried.

Now it's your chance to make the unluckiest guy in the world's dream come true. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send me the tickets!

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Friends,

I will pay top dollar for any ticket to any of the February Arcade Fire shows at Judson Memorial Church. I will also pay hundreds of dollars each for any Arcade Fire ticket stubs from previous Arcade Fire shows. Additionally, I offer cash or trade for any items having to do with arcades (ski-ball machines, amusement park rides, boardwalks, tokens, etc.) or anything to do with fires (cigarette lighters, gasoline, Great White concert tapes, Backdraft movie posters, etc.). I can also pay you a small but generous fee to call my cell phone and say "Arcade Fire" to me when I answer or, for a slightly lesser but no less generous amount, text the words, "Arcade" or "Fire" to the same cell number.

Please help. I've never seen a band live before, not even on television. In fact, as far as I know, Arcade Fire and Great White are the only two bands out there.

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so you missed out on arcade fire tickets and are now trying to think up any sort of trade you can make to get into those shows.

here it is.

if you're a hot chick, i'll give up my 2 valentine's day tickets for sex. good sex, mind you. as soon as the deed is done and the sheets are dry, i'll hand the tickets over.

send along a picture and we'll talk.

and yes, i'm as serious as serious can be. the arcade fire is wonderful, but not better than great sex.

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i will sell you approximately 5 acres of moonrock front property in exchange for 2 tickets to see the arcade fire at judson church in new york city.
you get to enjoy clear views of earth and no gravity, i and a friend get to see a cool concert. transportation and oxygen not provided.

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Here's the deal:

1. You name your price.
2. I take it.
3. We meet up at the church, you hand me cash.
4. To ensure that you get in, I give you the card they were purchased with (which I cancel two days before) at the door.
5. You get in. You give me my card back. Or I eat you alive.
6. Everyone's happy, and the free market economy continues to work.

Serious offers (250+) only.

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Will Sacrifice Dignity For Arcade Fire Tickets - $120

If you have 2-4 tickets for the Arcade Fire, I will pay you as much money as i can (this is obviously negotiable)and perhaps sacrifice my dignity. Most likely this means a really nice dinner at a really nice resturant. In addition to the money. Please I am desperate. Thank you

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I have two tickets to the Friday night show (2/16) but have no one to go with. I will give the second ticket to any single girl who will spend time with me before the show - dinner, maybe more? I know there are some pretty major fans out there, so it'd certainly help if you described what "more" means to you. More to me might mean dessert. It wouldn't hurt to include a photo but not entirely necessary. Please don't ask if I will sell both. I am a big fan of Arcade Fire and plan to go.

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my last bid on the ebay listing for arcade fire tickets was $2,000 but some stupid jerkface had a $2,025 proxy bid! oh, boo!! if only i had bid $2,026!! that really makes me boil grrr!!!

hey, does anyone have arcade fire tickets?? i will pay you money for them! if you want, i can explain to you why i deserve to go more than anyone else!!

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hello. i just saved two small orphans from a burning building. they no longer have a home. they no longer have clothing. they lost their puppy in the fire. they're really cute, with a cockney accent and a terrible cough. they love canadian indie rock. restore their faith with tickets to see their favorite band.

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Comments

[maria]

the one that mentions great white made me laugh out loud!!

[andrew]

Hey, are you going to any of the three Weller Hit Parade shows at Irving?

[lydia]

The ...if you're a hot chick, i'll give up my 2 valentine's day tickets for sex... guy. Are you insane? You are proposing 'prostituton' for 2 tickets to Arcade Fire? They're good, but please.

You must be so tragedically desparate and/or slightly retarded - Im hoping no female is pathetic enough to lower themselves to such levels but Im sure there is, out there, some one just as 'special' as you.

But, if miss pathetic "I have no self respect' does take you up on your proposal, I truly hope she has some fantastic VD which leaves you one day holding your own penis, raw with blisters, just before it falls off in your own hand after some 'self lovin' - YOU WANK!

That quite apalling!