In looking back at our year in the music, I saw a pattern, more like an emergence, of the one-hit wonder. It's a symbol of the disposable nature of popular or mainstream music. Like fast food, it's made to be ingested and forgotten.
I usually list the top 5 worst acts of the year, but I'm changing it to singular popular songs that you'll forget about this time last year. For example, last year, the worst acts were Kreayshawn, Grouplove, Foster the People. Did you at listen to Kreayshawn at all 2012? Of course not. Thus, let's see what we'll cast off to the island of one-hit wonders.
5. Somebody That I Use To Know, Gotye featuring Kimbra -- The annoying aspect of the song is that I want him TO SPEAK UP, DUDE. Can't make out what you're saying. "You can be addicted to a certain type of sandwich"? I'm baffled that the song became so popular when it's so ordinary. I think people who gravitate towards these types of songs just hear the chorus and related to it.
As a side note, I was at Hoboken bar over the weekend, where I heard a remixed version of this. It made me want to take up smoking so I could go outside.
Another side note, The Lumineers' "Ho Hey" was a crossover hit, and I do love the song. Like Gotye's song, it's simple and direct, but it has balls and spirit.
4. "We Are Young", Fun. featuring Janelle Monáe – - "Oh, hell no" is my reaction to this song. Let me list the ways this song gives me the shits:
-- the lead singer's voice sounds like a whiny bitch
-- the lyrics tell a story with no point
-- it attends to be an epic song of passion, but really is a slow, plodding dirge of nothing. The lyrics are just fodder for the chorus
-- Janelle Monáe, talented, but wasted on this crap
3. Call Me Maybe, Carly Rae Jepsen -- When I first heard about the song, not actually hearing the song, but friends talking about it and seeing parodies on YouTube, I thought it was like 2011's Friday, a song that's so bad people are elevating it to cult-like status. You know, it's so bad, it's awesome. But noooooo, the mainstream were gushing over this. I avoided checking it out, until I was at a Whole Foods and it was being played. I said, "What the fuck is this?" Then I heard the chorus, and I wanted to crawl up in a ball in the corner and not come out until the song was over. It is specifically designed to annoy people like me who know music, while marketing towards people who don't understand a good song from something that was made by a committee of producers and executives.
Out of all the songs on this list, this one will be a true one-hit wonder and forgotten about in 2013.
Then I ask you, what's more annoying, the song or all the parody songs?
2. Gangham Style, Psy -- Yeah, I'm a hater. Suck it. It's Mambo No. 5 for Koreans. Hey, I'm happy for everyone involved. Look, he's with Madonna! Hugh Jackman! MC Hammer! What do you have next? And all you hear is silence. As somebody who was around K-Pop when I was in Asia, I can show you 20 songs that sound exactly the same that don't rip off the hook from Benny Benassi's "Satisfaction."
Then the horse dance. Well, I give you this Fresh Prince of Bel Air episode:
1. Too Close, Alex Clare -- A quick story, I joked to my crew before I left on my fall vacation that I'm leaving to get away from "Too Close". It was played between every commercial break of football, The Daily Show, Colbert Report and so on. Even the online streaming versions of shows because Microsoft used the song to push their new Windows program. When I got back, I turn on my TV and what's the first thing I hear:
AND IT FEELS LIKE I AM JUST TOO CLOSE TO LOVE YOU
Hey, asshole. That doesn't make any fucking sense. It's not even grammatically correct. It combines bullshit lyrics, with bullshit Skrillex bassdrops and Justin Timberlake bullshit white boy soul. Just stop screaming at me, dude.